last week and this week

Been busy and tired last week
Baby sick again last week
Got up several times a night to nurse her
No complaining which is unusual for me
But by day watching the tiredness get the best of me
Which it actually got a long, long time ago

Once she got better, though, she slept through the night
for the first time ever
Then she did it again 2 more nights
I'm still getting up
Phantom night-nursings
But the light is there at the end of the tunnel
I will sleep better soon
I will feel better soon

The first year is really tough
With both kids, their first birthday was a true celebration for me
End of all the questioning, wondering, the night-wakings
Soon-to-be-toddler so interactive and fun
I love this next phase
I could have lots of 2 year olds
it's the before and after 2 that test me in new places
I haven't explored yet

My meditation style is still
mid-afternoon and 3am laying down meditation
you know, the kind where you sleep and dream
Someday when sleep is better I will return to the cushion
Incense
Lotus
Upright and curious
Not time for that yet, taking care of my body

Tests done by a fancy acupuncturist's machines
Tell us that my depression is not real depression
Just dark, pessimistic thoughts
Brought on my inability to rest
Which is brought on by lack of sleep

I could have told you that
But at least now he knows exactly where to put the needles
And ouch! he found the spot

Feeling brighter already