2.21.2008

and me, too

whenever jonas says he's going to do something, or he wants something, ada says,
"and ada, too!"

tonight i realize that i need this blog
inside me there is someone needing to speak again
tonight she is saying,
"and me, too"

so i'm back
with another baby keeping me up at night again
trying to regain my sense of calm and joy

i often think back to life in holland in 2006
with an almost disturbing frequency
and too much nostalgia

i didn't have any time back then to think or worry or complain
i just woke up, walked the dog in the forest,
dressed the kids, biked them to school, cleaned the house,
put the kids to bed, did my yoga practice, then went to sleep

but i was truly satisfied with life for the first time since my first one was born
and here i am now back in the hectic craziness of driving kids around
not seeing any of them enough
worrying about their developmental issues
worrying about the baby feeding enough or feeding right

so stressed by it all that i get this strange numbness across my forehead
at least i can be happy that the visions have stopped,
the visions of women in literature (the awakening, yaya sisterhood, and others...)
who have run away

it's time i came up for air
take a breath
feel my forehead again