dying and dreaming

he to me: Mom, I don't want to go to England.

me to he: Why, darling?

he to me: People go there to die.

me to he: huh???

(me to me: oh the bombs

me to husband: was he watching cnn by any chance?)

he to me: Mom, what is dying?

me to he: It's when your time here is done and you aren't around anymore. It's normal and it happens to everyone.

he to me: (big, worried eyes) Mom, I don't want to die!

me to he: It's okay, darling, I'm sure it won't happen for a very, very long time.

(repeat above 2 lines several times)

he to me: Where do you go when you die?

me to he: Nobody knows. But I think it's a very calm, happy place. Your body stays here, but the part of you that thinks and dreams and sees goes to the next place. I think there are others there, and they are all waiting to become a new baby or animal.

he to me: I'm scared of dying. I don't want to die. (shaking his head, eyes wide with horror)

me to he: Everybody is scared of it, my dearest boy. But it's kind of like a baby being in its mama's belly (a pregnant woman actually walks by during this part, no kidding), and when the baby's body is old enough and ready, it comes out. The baby is scared and doesn't know what kind of place it is coming out to, but it comes out anyways. And then it is welcomed with loving arms by people who love it.

When we die, it is the same thing - our bodies are ready to be done in this world and we have to close our eyes and go to the next place. It's like an adventure, like taking a trip.

he to me: I think I'm going to die first, and then you, then baby sister, then Dad.

me to he: (crying at the thought of it) We can't tell now, my dearest boy. But I can tell you this: the great thing about dying is that it makes us love our living more.

result: He seems calmer about the topic now. My own depression feels a little lifted. I kind of like talking about death. How would you talk about it?

Sweet dreams tonight.

Oh, and last night I dreamt about houses again - since college, I have often had meaningful, healing dreams about houses. I feel like houses represent where my soul lives. Last night's dream involved a house being built. I was the one who was bringing something to help build it, I was the confident one with a grand sense of humor about it. The other girl in the dream was the tentative, quiet one. I am both of these people.