on my mind today

i need to go to the grocery store and buy milk, butter, bread and dishwashing soap

why did the baby wake up so much last night? is she hungry? is my milk supply low again? am i going to end up weaning her early?

i've started my evening yoga practice again.
which i did in holland, and i see now is partly what made life so good there.
i still get angry and impatient, but at least now i'm noticing it.
and now i don't feel like such a bad person.
it's magical how some sort of practice actually helps in ways i didn't intend.
but in ways i need.

i'm also running again after a few months of rebuilding my stamina.
i've decided to make it into a training experience.
so it feels good to be building up to something.
currently that something is a 10k run.

i am also skype-ing with the teacher regularly now, too.
i told him about jonas' new behavior calendar
(because his behavior is making our family completely dysfunctional)
where he gets a star for every kind day he has.

the teacher suggested i make one for myself and put it next to jonas' calendar.
because i am always talking about how angry and impatient i get
and how i shout and how our family just feels like a mess right now.

the ol' strike the log from your own eye trick.

funny how i hadn't even thought about how to deal with my own behavior
whenever i got frustrated with jonas'.

i told the teacher i spend my days impatiently herding kids in and out
'shoes on, please!' and 'please hurry!' and 'please don't make me ask again!'
and he said, 'have you ever stopped to think why you are like that?
a shepherd spends his day herding, too'
i imagined a shepherd standing by while his sheep slowly made their way through a gate
understanding that this is how sheep move, understanding sheep
and i realized that i really don't have to shout and rush in order for us to get somewhere on time
i just need to understand our speed and adjust my smile accordingly