a walk in the park

this afternoon dragging on, with one cranky sick baby
and one three-year-old who i was trying to keep awake
aiming for an early bedtime

so i offered a walk around the block
didn't change out of my bum clothes,
glasses, no bra, stubbly legs and stinky armpits
which turned into a walk to the park
on the kid's request

saw other moms i know there
that's when i remembered i also have 5 pimples
simultaneously breaking out on my face
fortunately i have little shame
but did feel a little self-conscious of the no-bra factor

and am embarassed to admit relief that
i didn't run into any
French Moms
how they get so thin and groovy looking
is beyond me
although they could smile more
at least to me because i want to be their friend

and why the heck is this baby sick all the time?
she eats more fruits and vegetables than slim goodbody
i just don't get it

husband just walked in from a week away
fresh and punchy as ever
he loves to be alive
i love the way he smells like airplane upholstery when he first walks in
and looks so grateful to see me
the way that flying makes us think about imminent death and makes us grateful
we in this household consider this kind of anxiety a gift

he's in the shower now
i love curling up to him all clean

he'll be gone for the next 2 weeks
his coming back reminds me of my choking loneliness
i told him to just stay away, that way
i could stay happy in my aloneness

he said he didn't want to stay away
what a loser, actually wants to
kiss his wife and tickle his kids
now and again

i thank all that is good for him
he leaves me alone a lot but
he loves and he lives so completely